there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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