you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
