Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
