If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
