I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
