Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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