I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
