you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
