Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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