dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
