Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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