First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize