the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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