I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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