So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
