You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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