I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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