I want to walk on stilts...naked
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
