if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
