I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk is a universal language darling
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