i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think a kid would responsible me up
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
