wakey wakey hands off snakey
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
