the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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