I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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