there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
