3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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