Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
