she smelled like a LAN party
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
