This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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