i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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