you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
