So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
