I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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