So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
