P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
