Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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