So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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