Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize