i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
