when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize