I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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