if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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