she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i need some magic done to my vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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