My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
