Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
