i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
