My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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