He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
