i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
