do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
