sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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