well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
