He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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