i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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