I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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