If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
