now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
