I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
