I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
