I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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