WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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