totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
