she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
