I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
