The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
