Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
