But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
