I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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