meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
