I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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