There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
