he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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