so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
