i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
