After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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